South Slope. Asheville.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Good Communion with Parents

In Atlanta for 2010 SEC Championship Game.  Dad bought me that shirt!  Not the best picture in the world!  But unique!

Here's a short e-mail I had with a close cousin in 2008 about communicating well with parents, and how as children, feeling really connected with parents is vital.  I was lucky I had that with mine.

Me:  I did have a very nice talk with pops (Dad) last night.  Talked some about his childhood and about Major and the fertilizer plant....learned lots.  You know, when I hang up the phone with him after a good conversation, I feel alive and happy.  Let me say, more alive and happier.  I think we should never underestimate the power parents have over the kids and the power we will have over ours.  And, I would suspect, that parents also feel better when they are experiencing good vibes with their offspring.  It makes sense.  Along the way, unfortunately, people become hardened and there's lots of baggage.  It takes being humble and vulnerable to reach back to the mindset where you can tap into love again.  Does that make sense?

Cousin:  That's good...great conversation.  Think about how uplifting that is for your pops to talk and remember his childhood.  Brings back happy memories, makes him feel that you're interested, etc..  I do think the most important thing we can do in conversations with others is listen to them,  esp. when it comes to those older, and even more so with our parents...we stir up a lot of good vibrations.  It must be very healthy for them.  and it's good for us too.  But I know I feel good when my kids ask me about my life growing up and such.  And they do that a great deal, probably more than I did.  Do you remember that time in high school when we both interviewed Deedee?  I remember she seemed very happy, almost giddy, talking about her earlier years.

And from one of my favorite philosophers and authors, Osho:

It is always good to come to an understanding with your parents.  Gurdjieff used to say, “Unless you are in good communion with your parents, you have missed your life.” If some anger persists between you and your parents, you will never feel at ease. Wherever you are, you will feel a little guilty. You will never be able to forgive and forget…Parents are not just a social relationship. It is out of them that you have come. You are part of them, a branch of their tree. You are still rooted in them.

When parents die, something very deep-rooted dies within you.  When parents die, for the first time you feel alone, uprooted. So while they are alive, do everything that you can so that an understanding can arise and you can communicate with them and they can communicate with you. Then things settle and the accounts are closed. Then when they leave the world-and they will leave someday-you will not feel guilty, you will not repent; you will know that things have settled. They have been happy with you; you have been happy with them.

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