Saying No

It is good for the kings and for the generals that armies should be loyal to the point that they function like machines, not like men.  It is comfortable for the parents that their children are loyal because a child who is a rebel is a problem.  The parents may be wrong, and the child may be right, but he has to be obedient to the parents; that is part of the training that has existed up to now.
 

I teach you the new human being in whom loyalty has no place but who instead has intelligence, inquiry, a capacity to say no.  To me, unless you are capable of saying no, your yes is meaningless.  Your yes is just recorded on a gramophone record; you cannot do anything, you have to say yes because the no simply does not arise in you.

Hence, no gives you a sense of freedom; not only that, it also gives you a sense of intelligence.  To say yes needs no intelligence.  When you say yes, nobody asks you why.  When you have already said yes, who bothers to ask you why?  There is no need of any reasoning or argument, you have already said yes.  When you say no, why is bound to be asked.  It sharpens your intelligence; it gives you a definition, a style, freedom.  - Osho

When I first discovered some of Osho's books (circa 2001) and I read this passage, I thought, "What a grand concept!"  And then I consciously started doing this more and more - Saying No in  a nice, courteous, yet clear way.  I came from a family where people often just said 'yes' to everything.  It was done to the point where you could see unhappiness on people's faces.  Things were often done due to obligation, social pressure, fear of other people's reactions, at the expense of more essential things, etc., rather than just for the pure joy of it.  And when I started Saying No, it enhanced my life, put the power back in my hands and strengthened my relationships with people who really matter.  And then when I participated for the right reasons, I was "all in."  One of the discoveries I made, which led to another realization as to why folks go along with the herd, is that often Saying No is followed with a Why Not?  That's where the intelligence comes in.  And we all have intelligence!  How are you going to answer the Why Not? 

On down the road, I will add some specific examples where Saying No worked for me.

Monster Dunk

This basketball rap was one of my favs.  I could sing all the lyrics.  I remember being out at Lake Espy with a youth group from one of the churches, and my cousin Jeff and I were clowning around in the bedroom.  We had our music box on, and this song was blaring.  When we got to the "Daryl Dawkins got a monster dunk" line, I had a ball in my hand (maybe a basketball) and sort of jump up to the ceiling with it, imitating Chocolate Thunder (Dawkins).  And, just like Dawkins, who was known for shattering backboards, I let go of the ball, and it bounced off the ceiling and then careened off a pretty nice glass lamp, breaking it into pieces.  The chaperone (Mr. Alford) ran in, saw us laughing and got on to us.  A funny moment!

 

Kurtis Blow - Basketball (1984) from Golden Era Videos on Vimeo.

 

Dantley and Wilkins are on the scene
And Ralph Sampson is really mean
Bill Russell didn't take no junk
And Darryl Dawkins got a monster dunk

 

 

For more on Lake Espy, click here.

RIP

 

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"People rarely receive the burial they desire.  Those who would be quite happy in an urn sitting on a friend's mantel piece are obliged to go and rot in a cemetery or to its equivalent."  - Voltaire, to his biographer in 1772

In my adult life, I have seen a few deaths and been to a few funerals.  I have read a few obituaries, heard a few preachers give eulogies, and listened to a few loved ones talk about the deceased.  It dawned on me.....There seems to be a lot of fiction wrapped up in a death.  In some instances, in talking with friends and family, I asked them if they have observed this.  Sure enough, what I hear most frequently is, "Yep, great works of fiction surround people's deaths."  Wonder why that is?

Basketball Camp

I went to at least two Auburn basketball camps during the Sonny Smith era.   I remember those converse shoes.  I had some Lakers purple & gold shoes that I had worn out, and then I bought these light blue.  What's funny is that I didn't think of the Carolina Tar Heels and the shoes being their Carolina Blue.  I just liked the color.  I wore these to the Auburn camp.  I am sure somebody gave me a hard time. 

• I was a Lakers fan in the eighties.  The biggest!  At one of the Auburn camps, Jerry West was a speaker/instructor.  All the campers sat around on the arena floor while he put in a few jump shots.  He wasn't missing.  He then moved it to half court, where he calmly sank a couple.  He had the perfect form!  He then spoke to us all about the art of shooting a basketball and what it takes to be a good teammate and leader.  At one point, he pulled out signed Kareem, Magic and Worthy jerseys, and said they were prizes for some trivia questions he had.  I don't remember the questions, and I never got called on.  But if anybody wanted a jersey, it was me.

• Once at a camp, I was under the basket at one end of the coliseum floor, and Charles Barkley, who was already with the Sixers then and was assisting at the camp, started running off the court.  I was in his path!  He ran up, grabbed me and lifted me up over his head, into a ball. I was horrified, yet thrilled!  Barkley laughed, then put me down and ran towards the tunnel.

• Another time, the "Rifleman" Chuck Person, who was with the Indiana Pacers, led morning shooting drills at 8 AM!  And he was out just firing away, like a machine.  Nothing but net!  Everyone then had to get up and get in line to shoot 3's.  Anybody who shot a "brick" had to run up the stairs to the top of the arena and back down before a certain time, with everyone watching.  Luckily, I managed to hit iron every time.  I am pretty sure at the same camp, the Rifleman's brother Wesley and Lance Weems were campers.  They later played at Auburn.

• The Auburn players that were always the nicest to me (and I really looked up to them) were Bobby Cattage, Gerald White, Frank Ford and Paul Daniels. 

Update:  proof that Jerry West still has it.

1979

Thanks to Craig Dixon for this newspaper clipping.

An August Birthday

My brother Mark plays with toys.  My grandmother Edith holds my brother Miles.  My aunt Mila hangs out on the hearth.  And it's somebody's birthday!  Oh, there are also a couple of sets of unidentified legs.

 

Likely Mark's birthday

August 29, 1970

Solomon Road

Headland, Alabama

Jackson Hole or Bust!

(left to right) Allen, Shane, Vince and Frank

In 1993, four Samford University students decided to drive to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for Spring Break.  I was one of them!  Yep, and those are my arms out the window.  We hit numerous states.  FUN was the word! 

I am having trouble creating a map, so for now I will just list the states we drove through:

Alabama
Tennessee
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
New Mexico
Colorado
Wyoming
Idaho
South Dakota
Iowa
Nebraska
Kansas
Missouri
Illinois
Indiana
Kentucky
Tennessee
Alabama

Kade's Brother, Oba

some retro shots....will add more

 

I think that may be an uncle holding him.  Definitely not the dad.

 

 

 

 

 

Natural Inclinations

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“Unless you have found your natural inclination, your life is going to be a long, long tragedy, from the cradle to the grave. The only people who have been blissful in the world are the people who have lived according to their own intuition and have rebelled against any effort by others to impose their ideas. Howsoever valuable those ideas may be, they are useless because they are not yours. The only significant idea is that which arises in you, grows in you, blossoms in you.”  - Osho

Along For The Ride

My siblings and I are in the backyard of our family home in Headland, Alabama.  I was showing off my new bicycle (with training wheels!).  Yippee!  Don't know the occasion, but I do see the classic "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" on display.  And the picnic table is covered with a birthday table cloth. Perhaps some folks are coming over.  Our dog Lucky was all excited!

Mose Thomas

Mose Thomas was an employee of The Espy Mercantile Company, where he likely worked all of his life.  Clad in a pair of blue jean overalls and donning a Headland National Bank cap, Mose was a strong, hard worker who was almost always chewing a wad of tobacco.  He also had a toothpick dangling out of his mouth (yes, while he was chewing!).   He'd constantly work that toothpick, sliding it completely into his mouth and flicking it vertically, and then back out again.  

I worked with Mose - as did my brothers and a cousin or two - a couple of summers when I did some work for the mercantile - almost a rite of passage for the Espy boys.  Sometimes I'd ride in Mose's old white-bodied, blue-cab pickup, and we'd go to various farms to check fences and feed (plus count) the cows.  On occasion, we'd do something even more daring, like round up a bull to be loaded onto a trailer.  Often there would be others out helping - my uncle and some other farm hands.   I have tons of little Mose Thomas stories - as do others in my family - and my plan is to add them to this post over time.

One big love Mose Thomas had was wrestling.  He and his wife would go on Saturday nights to the Houston County Farm Center in Dothan, Alabama to take in the action.  

My brother Miles and I also enjoyed watching wrestling on TV.  Seems like we'd watch it on Saturday afternoons.  Miles loved Bullet Bob Armstrong.  Mine was Robert Fuller. 

To be such fanatics, one thing my brother and I had not done was actually go to Dothan for some live action.  Dad gave us permission to go with Mose Thomas to Dothan one Saturday night.  Mose came to pick us up at the front door at my grandparents' home on Main Street.  He and Ruby Nell actually came up the circular drive and parked, and we walked out the front door to get into the truck.  We sat in-between Mose and Ruby.  Mose drove us the fifteen or so miles to the Farm Center in Dothan.  I remember thinking it must be a bit curious that we showed up with this older black couple.  But once we got our tickets and seats, well, wrestlin' took over!  And the four of us whooped and hollered during all the matches!  Quite a night, plus a unique cultural experience!  Have to thank my dad and Mose for making it happen.

"Bullet" Bob Armstrong

Robert Fuller

Article on wrestling's prominence in Dothan, Alabama in the '70s & '80s here.

The History of Continental Championship Wrestling

And perhaps one day I can find a photo of Mr. Mose Thomas and add it.  How 'bout a video?!?!

Don McClendon videoing Mose

Mark Espy, Sr. talks a bit about Mose

This old truck I spotted in Asheville resembled Mose's truck in a way.  Perhaps just a lot cleaner!

Same truck?  Weaverville, North Carolina (2021)

Out of my way!

 I had just started walking.  My sibs said I liked to pick up a toy racetrack and chase them around. 
Solomon Road
Headland, Alabama

Children Play

with my siblings, Leslie, Mark and Miles

Solomon Road

Headland, Alabama

circa 1973

These Sexton antique metal cars were in the "green bedroom" when we were growing up.  You can catch sight of them in the video.  I am trying to bring them back to life!

Sarah Frances shops at Scribner Bookstore

Charles Watson Sidney & Sarah Frances Espy Sidney

to see more of their New Jersey residence, click here

Aunt Frances

I e-mailed this note to a cousin who is well-versed on The Big Apple:

I have a receipt dated 12/3/52 for a book Aunt Frances bought when she lived in New Jersey.  I guess she and Uncle Charles Sidney made their way to Manhattan on book-buying excursions.  If you happen to be in the area, it might be interesting to see if Scribner (or Scribner's) is still in business.

The Scribner Book Store

597 Fifth Avenue

His response:

Scribner's is no longer around.  It apparently shut down around 1989.  However, I have seen the building - it is a famous landmark on 5th Ave (in Midtown, between 48th and 49th streets, just down the street from FAO Schwartz).  It is now home to the flagship stores of Sephora (cosmetics) and Benetton (women's clothing).

That's an interesting little piece of family history you have. Scribner's was apparently a pretty special place.

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Scribner Book Store, 75, Will Close Next Month

Save Scribner Bookstore

Landmarkers Find Ally At Scribner Bookstore

Today

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(4 photos)

When I can locate that scan of the receipt, will add it here.

Girls Night Out

at The Grey Eagle in Asheville, NC

 

Curiosity Pays Off

In a social studies classroom I was observing at Asheville Middle School a few years ago, I sat at a small desk that had a stack of handouts on it.  Curiosity got the best of me, and I turned over one of the multi-page handouts to discover that it was a series of articles and statistics presenting the pros and cons of the death penalty.  Research from one of Watt Espy's death penalty friends (Mike Radelet) was cited a few times.  I didn't see Uncle Watty's name or anybody else's I knew, but I did find out the 8th grade student body was preparing for a debate on the morality or effectiveness of capital punishment.  To be Watty's nephew and to happen to be in that very class was coincidental I thought.  Made me smile!  Later, I sent the social studies teacher one of those big pictures of Watt Espy (the one below), hoping that it could go up on his classroom wall and be a teaching tool of sorts for the kids.

 

For more photos of Watt Espy in his office, click here.

Touch

Touch is ten times stronger than verbal or emotional contact, and it affects damned near everything we do.  No other sense can arouse you like touch.  We always knew that, but we never realized it had a biological basis.  If touch did not feel good, there would be no species, parenthood, or survival.  The mother would not touch her baby in the right way unless the mother felt pleasure in doing it. If we did not like the feel of touching and patting one another, we would not have had sex.  Those animals that did more touching instinctively produced offspring which survived and had more energy, and so passed around their tendency to touch which became even stronger.  We forget that touch is not only basic to our species, but the key to it.   - Saul Schanberg

One thing I miss about Thailand is good massages.  When I was there I could get at least one per week.  Now I am lucky to get one per month.  I started getting massages way back when I lived in Birmingham.  In a way, being on that table and feeling those hands truly allowed me to drop any inhibitions I might have had.  Also, I think massage time gave me a rare quiet moment when I could learn to just be.  There was no TV, no sports, no newspapers, nothing.  Human beings definitely need touch from our cradles to our deathbeds.